


Mulligans

by AccidentallyTheWholeFanfic



Category: Sailor Moon - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Humor, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-01
Updated: 2012-06-01
Packaged: 2017-11-06 13:23:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/419380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AccidentallyTheWholeFanfic/pseuds/AccidentallyTheWholeFanfic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sailor Pluto's job isn't terribly hard - just terribly tedious, what with having to constantly press the "Rewind" button to save the damn universe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mulligans

She liked to think that, while it was a hard job at times, with rather demanding rules, she held the position quite well.

However, duty and will occasionally crashed - while she was allowed to exert a certain amount of influence over... particular happenings, it was frowned upon if she put too much of a hand into things too frequently.

She sighed. This evening - how long had it been since she'd last experienced the concept of something so definite and fleeting as an  _evening_ ? - would be a bit taxing... in the grand scheme of things, however, it was but one of many minor annoyances requiring minor upkeep. That cat was really as bad as Usagi herself, sometimes...

\------------------------

Gesen reeled back and convulsed as the jolts of Sailor Jupiter's Supreme Thunder wracked his body. His circuits were fried, and the clamp that had trapped Sailor Moon burst into splinters and fell to the ground.

"Get ready for another burst of Supreme Thunder," Jupiter growled at the Youma.

Sailor Moon blinked and queried, "Ice Cream Sundae?"

"Ahh... no, Sailor Moon, it's- look out!"

The Youma had recovered from the attack, and was making a violent swing towards Sailor Moon with a very large, spiked hammer on a wire.

" _Gesen!_ "

" _Sailor Moon! No!"_

_ \------------------------ _

Luna emerged from behind the bushes, groaning and stretching. She felt about ten pounds lighter! Part of her felt guilty for ducking out to heed the call of nature, but she had confidence that the girls would be able to hold off their opponent just fine until she could deliver the Moon Stick...

As that thought passed through her mind, a horrible noise ripped the night sky apart, and sprays of blood spattered across her face. A broach sailed through the sky and clattered to the ground before her eyes.

" _Sailor Moon_!" Luna shrieked, horror clamping down on her heart. It couldn't be, it couldn't be...

Sailor Moon's head rolled past.

Time seemed to slow down...

"No," a solemn voice stated. "This simply won't do. Not at all."

The world seemed to fade away...

\------------------------

"Get ready for another burst of Supreme Thunder," Jupiter growled at the Youma.

Sailor Moon blinked and queried, "Ice Cream Sundae?"

" _Gesen_ ," the Youma groaned, starting to get to his feet. Jupiter lunged forward and punched him in the stomach.

Unnoticed by any of them, unholy, inhuman shrieks and yowls sounded from a nearby alleyway.

"I think one more should do it, and you can finish him off!" Jupiter called, as electricity began to crackle around her once more.

"But... but... wasn't he a human? I don't want to hurt him!" Sailor Moon whimpered.

"I don't, either, but..." Sailor Jupiter clenched one fist, casually punching Gesen in the face with the other as he loomed behind her. "It... it'll be hard. But there's no other way, Sailor Moon..."

Sailor Moon bowed her head in defeat. Jupiter was right. "I'm so sorry, Joe-san," she whispered.

\------------------------

Luna emerged from the alleyway, groaning and stretching. "Thanks, handsome, but I've really got somewhere to be," she purred to a tomcat that slipped back into the shadows. Her vagina was ruined for all other cats now, but the stress of watching the battle just brought out that old itch in her...

"Oh, shoot!" she thought suddenly. "I need to make sure they're doing okay! I hope it's not too late for them to..."

As she ran towards the battleground, her eyes caught a most unpleasant sight.

Sailor Moon was kneeling on the ground, sobbing uncontrollably, as the lifeless body of Crane Game Joe began to slowly crumble into dust. Sailor Jupiter was watching with silent resolve. She glanced at Luna. A hard, steely glance. The glance of a murderer.

Time seemed to slow down...

"No," a solemn voice stated. "This simply won't do. Not at all."

The world seemed to fade away...

\------------------------

Luna emerged from the woods, groaning and stretching. It had gotten away in the end, but chasing that butterfly had been fun! She scolded herself inwardly for shirking duty in the name of a silly distraction, but she was a cat! Cats were supposed to have fun...

Hearing silence, she strolled back to the battleground and peeked in curiously. Gesen was still there, standing firm and tall. Not good.

Sailor Moon and Sailor Jupiter had their backs to Luna. They, too, stood unmoving. Odd...

"Sailor Moon!" Luna called. "You have to restore him to his human form!" She prepared herself for the inevitable goodie-producing backflip, but paused as her charge's shoulders began to shake. "Sai... Sailor Moon?"

Sailor Jupiter, too, began to convulse.

"Fufufufufufufu..."

"Kekekekekeke..."

"Gesen..."

Jupiter and Moon both turned to look at Luna, their eyes dead and empty. Glassy. Cold.

"Hahahahaha... kitty cat..."

"Sailor Moon! Sailor Jupiter! No!"

"Kitty kitty kitty..."

"Hahahahahaha..."

"Fufufufufufufufu..."

"No! Don't! Please!"

Time seemed to slow down...

"No," a solemn voice stated. "This simply won't do. Not at all. This will be the last chance."

The world seemed to fade away...

\------------------------

"Get ready for another burst of Supreme Thunder," Jupiter growled at the Youma.

Sailor Moon blinked and queried, "Ice Cream Sundae?"

"No! Sailor Jupiter, you mustn't!"

Sailor Moon and Sailor Jupiter turned around to see Luna emerge from the shadows behind them, groaning and stretching. Bits of yarn trailed from her paws.

"Luna, where have you-?"

"No time! Sailor Moon, you have to turn him back into the human he once was! He still possesses a human heart..."

Luna flipped into the air before the soldiers could ask any questions, and an odd device fell to the ground in her wake: A pink-and-gold stick, with a large crescent moon placed atop it.

Sailor Moon picked it up and inspected it curiously. "What is it, Luna?"

"It's the Moon Stick. Say 'Moon Healing Escalation', and he'll be okay!"

Sailor Moon nodded, and turned to face Gesen.

\------------------------

Far away, outside of the bounds of time and space, Sailor Pluto nodded in satisfaction as she watched the events unfold. She performed these actions at least a few times per Earth month, and no doubt, it wouldn't be long before she needed to hit the rewind button once more. All the same, as long as time took the proper path in the end, it was worth the frustration.

**Author's Note:**

> Another one I'm fairly proud of. I can't help but imagine Sailor Pluto's repeatedly breaking a taboo here. Dammit, Luna!


End file.
